Dear Joyce – Coworker With "Asperger's"

Someone I work with completely lacks tact, and can be incredibly insulting and demeaning. He says that he thinks he's "got a slight case of Asperger's syndrome." I think that's an excuse. How do you deal with someone like that?

Sincerely,

Phony, or Real Deal?

Well, it is true that Asperger's syndrome can vary quite a bit in terms of its severity. And it is true that those with the condition tend to have deficiencies in social skills. (The social awkwardness associated with Asperger's syndrome stems from a variety of factors, such as a difficulty interpreting non-verbal cues, a sensitivity to certain sounds, tastes, or smells, and generally feeling uncomfortable in the company of people, especially crowds.)

Even if he really has a "slight case of Asperger's," it doesn't mean you can't say something to him if he's been insulting. After all, if he really has difficulty intuitively grasping emotional or non-verbal cues, the only way he may be able to do it is intellectually. If he's told what is bothering people, he can make a mental note of it and strive to stop himself. Give him concrete information, not concepts like, "Gee, Bob, show some tact."

You may also suggest that he seek counseling to help him become more self-aware and to improve his social skills. In my experience, individuals with Asperger-type symptoms also tend to be exceptionally smart and analytical. And they are aware of their social problems, and generally try to avoid large social gatherings. However, if the person converses with someone one-on-one, s/he tends to be full of ideas and eager to talk.

But ultimately, if he shows no signs of wanting to know if he really has the condition, and if he's told what's OK and what's not and shows no improvement, your initial suspicion of it being a personality thing may be accurate!