Domestic Trauma

The internet really does contain a lot of material: information to amuse, educate, and amaze. I was cruising and perusing recently and found some material that piqued my interest – a table produced by a US government agency that lists the reasons patients visit hospital emergency rooms. The most common reasons were routine and expected: chest pain, abdominal pain, broken bones, fever, vomiting, and so on. The list contained few surprises until I came to the heading, Domestic Incidents. Initially I presumed that "incidents" was a polite word for "violence" (spousal and child abuse), but the numbers were surprisingly high, so I clicked to where it listed these incidents under subheadings.

It suddenly got very, very interesting.

Some of the leading incidents were not too surprising, such as 34,062 visits for injuries related to scissors, or 43,365 visits related to "razors, shaving equipment, and grooming devices." Dig your razor into the jugular while shaving and you are not going to be in the office for a day or two.

"Injuries related to cutlery and carving knives": 55,126 visits. Now this one I could relate to on a personal level. Several years ago, the sadists in the kitchen implement industry came out with a most stupid, terrifying invention: the electric carving knife. This little beauty, "only $29.99," was a devilish invention that should have come with protective clothing and a life-insurance policy. Using it was like trying to carve a roast with a mini chain saw – only without the safety and noise-reduction features of a real one. Well, of course, I had to have one.

I was in the kitchen, carving a roast leg of lamb for dinner. Initially things went well: the knife slid nicely across the meat, producing even slices – until I got down to bone. At this point, it skidded across the bone and lunged toward my left arm. The wound was fairly shallow, but there was an understandable amount of bleeding. The love of my life (she turned out, eventually, to be the love of only a portion of my life) looked over and said, "I'm surprised the lamb is so rare, I gave it over two hours." I explained to her that the blood that was flooding the kitchen was not from the lamb, but from me. "Well don't get it on the food, you idiot," she said. My wife had been a nurse and understood the importance of such things. "And don't get it on the carpet," she shouted as I went to the phone to see if the local blood transfusion service made house calls. Oh yes, cutlery and carving implements caused 55,126 visits to the emergency room. I'm amazed the number is so low.

"Household electrical devices, including sound and visual equipment" was another category that had caused a significant number of visits. I have seen several patients who have come to grief as a result of an unfortunate confrontation with a vacuum cleaner. Cords dragging around the house are just perfect for tripping and falling. I once told a patient with back pain to go home and spend a week in bed to rest. She went home and, in order to make her stay in bed more enjoyable, decided to carry the TV into the bedroom. One hour after her departure, she was brought back by ambulance and was hospitalized with a slipped disc.

I think it is well known that bathrooms are the most dangerous rooms in the house – a fact that is verified by the large number of visits originating there. Slippery showers, sharp instruments, and a variety of chemicals make it a place that you should treat with respect. When I was an intern, an unconscious man was brought in to the ER – he was also naked and wet. We presumed he was a drowning victim and were about to leap on his chest when we were told the real story. He had been taking a bath and had taken a radio with him into the bathroom, plugged it in, and placed it on a stool near the tub. When he reached for a towel, the radio fell into the water and 240 volts of electricity went through his body before all the fuses blew. He survived but lost his memory of the previous six months. I wonder if this case gave the government-site statisticians a problem: "What do you think Charlie, should we put him under sound equipment or baths?"

The most surprising fact was the number of ER visits that were caused by accidents involving clothing: more than 140,000! It's hard to imagine that your clothes could cause so much suffering. I understand that you have to be careful. Every man knows that feeling when he sits down too quickly: his undershorts are taken by surprise and react by forming a knot around his reproductive apparatus and giving a twist just to show him who's the boss. The other hazard to the continuation of humanity is the zipper. Zipping up a fly should not be that difficult for a man. 1. Finish peeing. 2. Put your apparatus back in your pants. 3. Zip up your fly. If, however, you fail to complete step 2 before doing step 3, the pain will be excruciating. This situation also leaves you with a dilemma: whether to unzip, which will be just as painful as the original zipping, or to seek help in freeing up the skin?.

I remember one clothing disaster from my days working in the ER. A man went home after work and had only a few minutes to shower and change before leaving for a dinner date. He went upstairs to his bedroom, kicked off his shoes, and headed along the landing, yanking his shirt over his head as he rushed to the bathroom. However, he had not undone enough buttons, so when he got the shirt over his head, it got stuck around his neck. In his haste, he attempted to remove the shirt with powerful jerking pulls, which made him lose his balance and stagger. Unfortunately, he was at the top of the stairs and fell backwards down them. Usually, we try to protect ourselves by using our arms to break our fall. He, however, was completely blinded by the shirt and also had his arms fixed over his head. He broke the rail and banisters – and a considerable number of bones – as he fell. Later, while completing the requisition for the X-ray department, on the line where you write what you wish to have X-rayed, I wrote "everything."

As usual, I stress prevention. For example, I have started a new routine. When I put on my undershorts, I look down and say, "Have a nice day." I hope anybody watching will realize that I'm talking to my shorts.

Discuss This Article

Have something you'd like to say? Tell us what you think! Read and post comments for this article.

Find a Job

Choose your career:

MedHunters is the world's biggest healthcare job board. Our job directory has 17,003 jobs with 2,377 hospitals and other direct employers.

We want you to find your next job on MedHunters. Need Help? Call us at 1-888-884-8242, email us at info@medhunters.com or sign up now.