Male Domestication

… arrived in Saudi Arabia.

… I am slowly becoming domesticated. My cucumber and yogurt salad is a hit, and I can now make a passable hummus.

… Today is Saturday. Actually, it is Thursday but it just feels like Saturday since the weekend in Saudi Arabia is Thursday and Friday. Ever wonder what a married bachelor does on Friday Night (that is Wednesday in Saudi)? HE GOES TO BED EARLY (and dreams about his wife). What that means is that he wakes up early and has time to practice on his computer and fiddle with all the magic features on the word processor.

… There are some drawbacks in doing it the way I have done it. If you know of anyone who would be interested in doing a psychiatric research project in exotic places, I have a suggestion to look at the effect of "prolonged" separation from family on longtime married folks like myself. I've been married for more than 22 years, and I never imagined that separation from wife and children (even teenagers) would be quite so hard. I am sure I am not alone in these feelings. I keep myself very busy doing things I would never had the inclination, or time, to do back in Canada – like typing.

… Around the housing compound I keep busy outside of work. There is a good paperback library as well as a 5,000-tape video library. I haven't used the latter very much because most evenings I run until 7:30 or 8:00, and, after that, I work away at the typing [or] fiddle with my new second-hand car (FWD Isuzu). …

I've been seduced by running. Who said you can't run in Saudi Arabia? It's not true. You just can't run in shorts in daylight (if you are female). As a consequence I have established a branch of the LONDON PACERS. Already we are enjoying some success, with consecutive thirds in the first two races of the Riyadh Road Runners' racing series. Five other members of the King Fahad Hospital division of the Pacers are performing personal bests under my tutelage. It is our intention to peak for the Riyadh Intercontinental Marathon in late February.

… Dear Mother … It seems that you are the only one who loves me enough to write. Haven't heard from either of my children or my father (no surprise) or my sister, even though you said she had written. Even my wife doesn't write as often as she used to. HOW QUICKLY THEY FORGET! Maybe when the money runs out I will hear from them.

… I have decided to get back into top notch racing shape and have another crack at running a marathon …

… I have decided to get back into top notch racing shape and have another crack at running a marathon …

I now have a Saudi driver's license and a car, so I spend weekends camping in the desert. It is absolutely quiet out there and has a strange beauty. Instead of hills and mountains sticking up, there are deep wadis poking down. You cross an expanse, which appears absolutely flat but is covered in dry river valleys or gullies (wadis). Along the sides of the wadis are sheep, goat, and camel trails, which have been formed by thousands of hooves through the centuries.

… My culinary talents have completely atrophied, but I'm not starving because the family upstairs periodically invite me up for a real Italian meal.

By the time you get this letter I should (if all goes well) be cruising the Nile. One of the ophthalmologists here is completing his "tour of duty" and wanted to see Egypt before returning to Canada so he has talked me into joining him. He's a nice guy but … I would rather be cruising the "romantic" Nile with someone else!

… Tomorrow I am off to Egypt to cruise the Nile for four days. We fly to Cairo in the afternoon. The only downside is that my family won't be there with me. Just two old "bachelors." Maybe next time.

… Domestic sounds are coming from the kitchen: dishwasher running, clothes tumbling in the dryer, clothes washer slashing, and water boiling over on the stove. Here I sit with the CD player and Simon & Garfunkel classics and hum of the computer and the click of the keyboard: the sounds of the domesticated man.

… Dear Son. The last year has been tough on all of us, but I have seen myself, and heard from other people, about how mature you have become over the last months.

In order to get myself through each day (when there is nobody around like you and Jenny and Mum to give me encouragement), I came up with the attached posters, which I have taped to my front door, so when I leave for work each day, I am reminded of who I am and what I stand for.

QUITTERS NEVER WIN

HURT NO ONE

THE FUTURE IS MINE TO MAKE

WHAT AM I GOING TO START OR FINISH TODAY?

… I am looking forward to my next holiday, which will be my return to the bosom of my wife (and family). Unfortunately it is nine weeks off. In order to get myself through the next nine weeks, I have started training for biathlons and triathlons again. That way I have an excuse for taking cold showers and going to bed early.

Did well in the Riyadh Road Runners' series (write, if you want the report) but slacked off (needed rest?) when the racing season stopped. That with the Egypt cruise and eating too much has caused me to skyrocket to 64kg [141 pounds], so I started eating healthier, lifting weights, and doing aerobics. One thing about being single but married is that you have lots of time to get fit while the singles are out on the make. I do get invited out by some single girls, but it is because I won't be hitting on them.

… What a delight! Two letters arrived today.

I read one after work and saved the longer one to read after dinner, when I was relaxing and listening to Willie Nelson sing love songs. I often do that in the evening. It is sort of my quiet time. I shouldn't listen to the sad songs because I get lonely. It will be another 40 days until I see Wendy again.

My eating habits have also become rather strange. I never cook meat but tend to eat rice/potatoes/veggies/cheese, which I spice up with curry or chili powder. I should get my cholesterol measured again and see if I'm destined to live to 100.

… I now know how to get to the fruit-and-veggie souk, the camera and computer stores, and one of the big shopping malls. This should stand me in good stead when I start doing domestic things with Wendy in September. Speaking of being domestic, I am not. Fortunately the cleaning guy came in yesterday and shoveled out the dust dunes from the dust storm last week. While he did that, I ironed all of my shirts and did the laundry. The place is no longer a health hazard.

I have been thinking of being back with Wendy, so I have been training hard. Ordinarily I would just take cold showers, but, now that the weather is in the 40s most days, there is no cold water. Hence all the exercise – I'll get into shape even if it kills me. Wish the water in the shower was cooler!

… Dear Jen: I haven't written you a personal letter for a long time. It's kind of hard to explain how fathers love their daughters. It is different than the way they love their sons and even their wives. All children are part of their parents. We have more hopes and dreams for you than we have for ourselves. The problem is that we don't know how to tell you what we hope and dream for you without putting you on the spot to "perform."

This last year has been harder for me than I can explain. I had to give up the love and contact of my family – for what? I really don't know! I know that I was slowly wasting away in my old job. Maybe it didn't seem that way to people around me – consultant in GI, Head and Chairman of a department, professor of whatever. But the challenge was gone. Whenever that feeling of being proper and going nowhere comes over you, it is time to move on. I guess the problem was that, "There comes a tide in the affairs of men, which taken at the tide leads on to fortune." However, nobody remembers the next lines, which are more important, "Omitted, all the journey of their lives lies in shallows and in miseries." I had to go. I hope that you and Scott and mum know that. I hope it will make me a better father and husband in the future rather than some old man who lives out his life in mediocrity and boredom.

… Those of you that are good at keeping track of important dates will realize that the above date represents the last day of my 11th month in the Magic Kingdom and ONLY 13 DAYS until I see Wendy and the kids again! The last five months have been long, and I wouldn't want to do it again.

… Domestic countdown! Bachelorhood on the way out? I hope so! Wendy arrives in three or four days. In preparation, I watched a video on the TV. Can't remember what it was about but I do remember ironing 11 shirts and threes pairs of trousers. I'm using Wendy's ironing technique (watching video while ironing). Of course, I've added my own wrinkle – do it in the nude (cooler) and don't worry about the wrinkles on the back of the shirt. Nobody can see them. Reduces ironing time by almost 50%.

I am improving my culinary skills. Wash, prick, and place one medium sized spud in the oven at setting #4 and one hour later you have a baked potato … You can start it before you go out for a run and it will be ready by the time you finish your shower. How is that for time management?

Keeping fit! Wouldn't want the wife to reject the old bod when she sees it again. BC (body conditioning) three times/week, swim three to four times/week, run three to five times and lift weights once or twice. Actually look pretty good in the mirror (with or without clothes). The old bod also functions reasonably well, as well as not looking too bad. Won all three biathlons and the two triathlons I went in this year. Winning margin was at least two minutes in all and in the last tri beat the first team by a few seconds. Not bad for a guy who will be middle aged in another 10 or 15 years. Think next year I will spend more time in bed. Don't ask why!