No Ands, Ifs, or Butts

On my most recent trip to the Caribbean, my friends told me that I had gotten quite fat since my last trip three months earlier. The older women in town stood behind me, admiring my posterior, which they patted and discussed with one another in detail, gesticulating with large circles in the air to indicate my plumpness.

I was mortified!

I returned home and promptly joined a gym. I consulted with a personal trainer. I looked for things to whittle out of my vegan diet. Still, the same fat butt dragged itself around behind me. Still, nothing changed in my shape. I shunned the scales – I couldn't bear to step on them, fearing the number that might glare back at me.

Then it was time for my yearly check-up. My doctor asked if I had gained any weight. I told her what my friends had said – and that they were likely better judges, since they saw me less frequently.

I stepped on the scales and my doctor told me that I was exactly the same size – not overweight at all. Confused, I lashed out, "But you obviously haven't seen my butt!"

I didn't realize that in some countries it's a great compliment to tell someone that he or she has gained weight – it means they're eating well and looking healthy.

Fortunately, I have not developed an eating disorder, but back in Norte Americana, I will never be able to look at my butt in the same way again.

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