Office Politics: Building Rapport with the Boss

Like other facets of office politics, having a good rapport with our boss can best be described as a necessary evil. Bosses, after all, have their quirks and pretensions. Sometimes they're all smiles and full of energy, and at other times, they're not quite as approachable. Whatever the case may be, they're the boss, and they make the decisions that affect our careers and our lives.

Managing Your Boss

Career advisers will sometimes refer to building rapport with the boss as "managing your boss" or "managing up" – what they really mean is figuring out what drives your boss's behavior. In her book, What Next?, Barbara Moses argues that the key to getting along with your boss is "understanding the underpinnings of their behavior." Roy H. Lubit makes a similar argument in Coping with Toxic Managers, Subordinates … and Other Difficult People. According to Lubit, "the more you know about what motivates people with different styles, the better you will be able to defend yourself and encourage them to cooperate with you and provide the work products you need to do your own job."

Both point to problematic bosses such as the "narcissistic" boss or the "bullying" boss, arguing that coping with them really comes down to recognizing the underlying issues at play, such as a lack of self-esteem or anxiety problems.

Others take a different approach. Those who subscribe to the neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) school of thought, for example, maintain that it's important to recognize patterns in verbal and non-verbal communication when building rapport. So building rapport means learning to match your boss's body posture, gestures, tone, and language patterns, etc., and not just parroting their values and beliefs.

Building rapport also involves being aware of your boss's work style. For example, your boss may thrive on energy and enjoy brainstorming ideas with you; or, s/he may want your ideas thought out and in writing, first. It's up to you to figure out which is your boss's preference.

A Professional Relationship

Career advisers also agree that a key facet of building rapport with the boss is to recognize what motivates our own behavior. This means coming to terms with what drives our careers. Some people may want to move up in their workplace hierarchy, and for some, security is more important than doing interesting or challenging work. Others will feel that a balance between work and family takes precedence over getting ahead.

Whatever the case may be, we may have to modify our orientation to better suit that of our boss, if only because things get done more quickly when people see things the same way. (Or not – sometimes it's hard to tell.)

A good friend once built an incredible rapport with her boss, despite the fact that the two of them hardly ever saw eye to eye. They argued all the time about questions that ran a gamut of topics, from best business practices, to politics, religion, and the fundamentals of human nature. The walls would shake when they went at it, and often one would storm out of the other's office, steely-eyed and with smoke rising from her ears … and yet, somehow their professional relationship worked.

Of course, such a scenario is likely rare, and there will be times when the differences are big enough that an employee will face a decision: accommodate the boss or quit. But choosing to accommodate the boss doesn't mean sacrificing what drives us, changing our beliefs, or playacting. Honesty is the best approach and diffusing the situation will often take little more than sitting down with the boss and talking about different work styles.

In the end, it might be best to think of building rapport as a balancing act between what's best for the employer, our personal preferences, and our boss's style. It may not always be comfortable, it might even seem to test the limits of a professional relationship, but it's necessary.

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