One of Life's Biggest Decisions

It was one of the hottest summer days so far in our little Nova Scotia town. It was June, the year, 2000, and this was no usual day for me. That afternoon I sat and collected my thoughts, surrounded by boxes, books, and photographs lying on every bit of space in the house. This was the day the packing started, and tomorrow would be the day I worked my last shift at Hants Community Hospital, a hospital I had worked at for years, with nurses I had known for years. Many of the nurses were good friends, many of my patients had become special to me, and it was so bittersweet, this leaving it all.

My nursing career had almost killed me at times, and at other times it had saved my life. A motivational speaker I had heard many years before had told us that our job should be one-third of our lives, our family another third, and the other third for ourselves. Many times I had allowed my work to become two-thirds of my life, if not more. It was unhealthy, and in retrospect, so unnecessary. But the shortage of nurses and the higher demands of the job required this, or so I thought at the time.

On the last day, I wore my cap just for old times' sake. One young nurse approached me and asked, "How do you keep that thing on your head?" It is a special secret, but that day I took my cap off and showed her how it was done. Then she asked if she could put it on. Sure she could. She looked divine in the cap with the black band – the Grace General Hospital's cap. And the black band, a strip of black velvet, was the same one that I had earned from Grace in 1969. And I was struck by the similarity of the color of her hair, the style so much like mine when I started out 32 years before, that an unexpected moment of teary-eyed nostalgia washed over me. But there were patients, doctors, lab staff, dietary staff, and all those other people who make up the system of a working hospital, to whom I needed to say farewell. So after all my good-byes, I walked out the door of the hospital with no regrets – just memories, and lots of good ones.

Nursing has changed, but it needed to change. Nurses are more and more becoming a part of the team of professionals who treat the whole patient, and it will be better for everyone that way. The never-ending paperwork will be there, computers or not, and the never-ending responsibility will remain. But nursing will always be a caring profession, and the women and men who carry on the work will have their own watershed moments, their own stories to tell.

As for me, I am back where I need to be, in Newfoundland, enjoying the water, boats, boil-ups, writing, photography, reuniting with old friends, living closer to family, and living in a new home, built for retirement. At times the retirement road has been rougher than I would have wished, but the ratio of the thirds is more even now, I may finally have gotten it right – I think!

I miss my nursing career, and I miss the relationships of fellow nurses, but writing, playing with my new granddaughter, and having more time to be me is not so bad after all.

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