I Don't Have All the Answers, But …

Last year, I decided to do some volunteer work. I'm planning to apply for a Master's program in genetic counseling or social work, and one of the requirements for both programs is having some form of counseling experience. Because the counseling experience must be one-on-one, and because I'm not trained in face-to-face counseling, I decided to apply for a volunteering position at a call center.

Since completing the required eight-week orientation program (where I learned a lot about listening), I've been on the phone for about 40 hours. In that time, I've learned a lot about myself.

First, let me say that I've never been one to share my problems with other people, so the whole concept of using a call center is foreign to me. However, I've never minded my friends and family members coming to me with their problems – in fact, I've always enjoyed being able to help them. But volunteering has taught me that there's a big difference between counseling family and friends, and the call center's clients. Many of the people who call the center don't want to fix their problems; indeed, many don't even recognize that they have a problem. They're not really seeking assistance, they're just ventilating.

And since volunteers are simply supposed to offer support and not question the caller's reality, I sometimes feel like I'm not doing anything productive.

Now, I'm not suggesting that I can fix everyone's problems, and I know that I shouldn't offer solutions when I don't know the whole picture. But I also know that sometimes a concrete response is both appropriate and necessary. While trying to fix someone else's problems encourages helplessness, just listening and not emphasizing the need for action (when it is necessary) excuses helplessness.

Some people need to be told that their behavior is inappropriate or self-destructive, or that what they're doing is just plain wrong. I'm a direct person, and when I find myself in situations when I'm not allowed to speak, I get incredibly frustrated. Moreover, I think that not saying something is irresponsible.

Here's an example: If a caller hears from everyone around him that what he's doing is wrong, then one person refuses to comment, he's going to latch onto that person's response rather than listen to the critical responses. Even though the lack of comment doesn't directly support his behavior, it doesn't specifically oppose it either. Essentially, I sometimes feel like I'm being given the opportunity to help someone, but because of the policies of the call center, I miss it, and instead of helping, I'm just adding to the problem.

And finally: I like to see results. Before I started, I knew it would be highly unlikely that I'd ever really see what my support would do for the callers, but I never realized how frustrating it was going to be. There have been times when callers have said that they appreciate my being there, but often there's no such satisfaction. Recently, one caller said that speaking to me was like talking to a five-year-old! Another caller didn't like the sound of my voice, and kept hanging up every time I answered the phone.

Ultimately, satisfaction has to come from just knowing that I'm there to listen, but sometimes, that's just not enough.

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