Puddle to Puddle

Fear. Despair. White-knuckle praying. In a raging sea in a leaky boat, lightning bouncing off the mast. Wondering if this time, I really am going to die. Often, in desperation, I whisper the sailor's prayer, Lord, the sea is so big, and my ship is so small. Have mercy! These are turmoils that I understand.

Peace. Calm. Trust. Knowing that no matter what happens, God will stay with me. These are the ideals to which I cling.

At 62, my eyes still twinkle, my hair is a red-gold, and I still find life hilarious. However, the extra weight that I carry reflects a struggle with the effects of medications that can suck the calories out of a piece of lettuce, and turn them into another five pounds. In spite of this, I am thankful just to be alive.

Medications keep me going. They make my symptoms endurable. They assure me that when I turn out my light and go to sleep, I have a good chance of waking up in the morning. Arthritis. Fibromyalgia. Asthma. Diabetes. High blood pressure. Cluster headaches. These are merely excuses for me to give up on my life, but I refuse!

What makes life worth living for me? Faith. Hope. Love. The tender touch of my husband's hand as he brushes back my hair. The smiles of my daughters as they do one more wonderful thing for me. Yes, all these things make life worth living. But my biggest strength is downright stubbornness.

Let's pretend that life is a baseball game. Do I want to stand at the plate motionless, waiting for the pitcher to throw an easy ball? Or do I want to take a swing at every ball, no matter how wild the pitch, and go down swinging? Of one thing I am quite certain: I want to go down swinging!

There is a fish that survives in one of the harshest environments on earth. In the rainy season, life is a frolic. There's plenty of water. It is happy doing fish things, but then the rains cease the water begins to shrink. Does this fish give up? Never! It swims when it can, from pool to pool. When there's no water, it literally "skittles" across the ground from puddle to puddle. The fish does this continually, until it either dies or the rains come again.

I want to be that fish. I want to live on faith, hope, laughter, and love, and if necessary, I'm willing to live from puddle to puddle. I marvel at a God who provides all my needs, and who gives me the grace to endure my difficulties. He is my anchor in the midst of a raging sea. He fills me with laughter, showing me the ludicrous in my situation. He fills me with joy in the most unexpected moments.

I have to admit that I hate the storms of life. I prefer a safe and peaceful harbor, and I'm thankful when my life feels secure. However, life is seldom a peaceful harbor. I'm often the one flailing my arms and sinking beneath the waves. So I pray. And when life seems darkest for me, and the waves crash into the boat, with trembling heart, I place my trust in the One who rules my heart and the storm.

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