Weird Warnings & Loony Labels

On products and on websites you'll see warning labels or advice posted about how to stay safe and healthy. Some of the advice is reasonable and sensible, but some isn't really feasible, and some sounds as if it were written for (and/or by) individuals entirely lacking in grey matter. One of my favorites is the collapsible stroller that warns: "Remove Child Before Folding." This, and other actual, silly safety warnings have been published on WackyWarnings.com. Some clearly pertain to healthcare, and are likely attempts to prevent lawsuits prompted by visits to the ER. For example:

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Now, for more on (moron?) safety first, here are some additional items that we've found:

Is This Really Necessary?

On a package of Silly Putty: "Not intended for use as ear plugs."

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On a package of household twine: "Not recommended for use where personal safety may be at risk."

– Could they be more specific about what circumstances they're referring to? One could say that, these days, our personal safety is at risk anywhere, any time.

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Prominently placed on an unpadded paper courier envelope: "Do not ship liquids, blood or diagnostics in this packaging."

– Other than blood resulting from paper cuts, do people often try to put blood or liquids – whether on its own or in a tube, vial, or bag – in an envelope?

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Remember the vehicle signs that were in vogue in the 1980s, and which you still sometimes see today: "Baby on Board"?

– What on earth is the point of this? People should be concentrating on driving rather than reading signs and bumper stickers on cars. Is the goal, as Marge Simpson said, "Maybe now people will stop intentionally ramming our car."

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On the side of a box of assorted small household bandages: "For medical emergencies seek professional help."

– Who would be looking at their box of bandages for medical advice in an emergency, or run for bandages in the case of a massive hemorrhage? (Maybe a frightened toddler, but the child couldn't read the advice anyway.)

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On (many) pieces of fitness equipment: "Consult your doctor before starting any exercise plan."

– Who, except perhaps someone who has been sent to the gym by their doctor, actually does this? And how many people actually need to? Even the American Heart Association says most people don't need to see a doctor before they start!

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Not (Always) Feasible Advice

An article about avoiding computer vision syndrome, whose symptoms include burning, aching, tired eyes; dry eyes; difficulty focusing; double vision; blurred vision; sensitivity to light; headaches; and neck and shoulder pain recommends: "Take 10 to 15 minute breaks every hour. In addition, every five to 10 minutes, look away from the computer screen and focus on a distant object for five to 10 seconds."

– This may be useful for someone playing games, but not for those who work at a computer. If I took 10-15 minutes off every hour, I wouldn't have my job for very long.

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A health advice site on back health advises: "If you travel long distances, or sit in the car for long periods, make slight but frequent adjustments in your seat's position. Even if your seat is adjusted perfectly and your back is aligned just right, locking your spine in one position for the length of the ride can cause you a lot of problems. Remember, your back likes movement. Those slight shifts keep it happy and healthy."

– Is it really safe to be regularly fiddling with your seat while driving? Would it not be better to adjust your body rather than the seat?

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On a health advice site: "If you think you might be coming down with something, stay home."

– Some people would never be at work! How often have I heard, "I think I'm getting a cold …" and then a day or two later hear, "No, it's just allergies." And if you were wrong, does it count as a vacation day?

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Strangely Worded Advice, Which Otherwise Makes Sense

From a health advice site about how to avoid stress headaches at work: "Keep a clearly labelled bottle of painkillers with you when you go to work, such as aspirin or ibuprofen to take when you feel a headache developing."

– Why does it have to be clearly labeled? Will your coworkers think you're popping club drugs and report you? Do you have so many drugs with you at work that you have to ensure that you don't mistake the painkillers for other drugs?

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From a health advice site about how to avoid eye strain at work: "Wearing computer glasses can markedly reduce eye-strain and fatigue … a computer vision prescription will help compensate for the strain involved in looking at a close and fixed point for prolonged periods. Computer glasses can literally save your eyes from wear and tear."

– It certainly sounds as if these glasses can be helpful, but I doubt that anyone without them is literally experiencing eye tears.

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And if the above have made you cry …

On the bottom of a box of tissues: "Intended for Professional Use."

– I guess I'll be looking for someone to help me blow my nose from now on.

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