When Work & Romance Collide

It happens in hospitals, it happens in clinics, and medical dramas like Grey's Anatomy and House would get no ratings if their writers didn't make it happen on a regular basis. The phenomenon I'm referring to is workplace romance, and there are many reasons why it's tempting.

First of all, healthcare jobs usually involve demanding work and long hours – and hence few opportunities to look for a date after work. Your coworkers are often the people you socialize with the most, and romantic attractions can easily arise. Second, other healthcare professionals understand not only your work, but also why you need to stay on call and work long hours, and what it means to save a life. Of the 1,208 physicians surveyed in a 1999 study, 22% of male doctors and 44% of female doctors were married to other doctors! Furthermore, 90% of those doctors said that they enjoyed discussing their work with their doctor spouse.

But before you run off to ask babycakes for a date, there are many risks to consider. Dating a coworker has the potential to disrupt your working environment, damage your professional reputation, lead to a sexual harassment suit, get you fired, and even cost you your license. So read up on your workplace's policies (if any) regarding employee dating, and try, discreetly, to gauge the attitudes of your supervisors and coworkers on the subject.

Done that?

Wait! There are other important considerations. First, both people should be free to begin, continue, or leave the relationship. A power imbalance between two potential partners (e.g., supervisor/staff) can be particularly difficult, and is one reason why many workplaces prohibit supervisors and subordinates from dating. It's very easy for a supervisor to abuse his (or, yes her) position of power, and imply that an employee should not refuse their advances, or else…. Flip to the other side of unscrupulous behavior, and you'll find employees who are willing to date supervisors in an attempt to advance their careers, or who, if the relationship ends badly, will threaten their former snuggle bunny with a sexual harassment suit. Even if the supervisor-subordinate relationship is fully consensual, other employees will be watching for signs of favoritism, and the supervisor's authority could be compromised.

Indeed, power inequality is the reason that sexual relationships between physicians and patients are strictly prohibited. Sexual relationships between physicians and former patients are governed by regulating bodies as well. For example, the College of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario states that in most cases, a doctor should not have any sexual contact with a former patient for one year after the end of their professional relationship, and that a doctor should never have sexual contact with a patient if the patient's treatment involved psychotherapy. Going one step further, an article published in Family Practice in 2001 concluded that while not prohibited, almost all sexual relationships between physicians and former patients are unethical.

In addition to choosing someone who is in a similar position of power as yourself, the object of your affection should not have responsibilities that overlap with your own. A romantic relationship cannot interfere with, or be perceived to interfere with, your ability to do your job. This is something you must keep in mind during all stages of the dating game. To save yourself angst, when you first become attracted to a coworker, it's a good idea to move cautiously, and to find out as much as possible about the hottie before you leap. Is he or she already in a relationship, related to anyone else you work with, or perhaps worse, likely to gossip about personal matters at work? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then it's probably a bad idea to pursue a relationship. If you're turned down for a first date, do not ask again and do not pester your coworker with unwanted attention – you may find yourself up for discipline or a sexual harassment suit.

If a relationship does develop, you and snookums will need to cultivate a double relationship: A professional one at work, where you treat each other as you would any other colleague, and a romantic one in private. Do not flirt, kiss, grope, or send sappy emails to each other at work. And no matter how good it looks on Grey's Anatomy, don't sneak off into the supply closet for a tryst! This is asking for a disciplinary hearing.

And there's the final issue: Remember that, if, alas, you weren't meant to ride off into the sunset together, you're going to be stuck with seeing Mr./Ms. Wrong almost every day. And if the break-up fills you with angst, rather than relief, this will be especially hard. You absolutely have to stay professional, and refrain from trying to interfere with your ex's work, tarnishing his or her reputation, constantly bursting into tears, using your voodoo doll at the workstation, and/or torturing your coworkers with the state of your broken heart or any other break-up drama.

Dating your coworker could lead to a lifetime of happiness or it could be a complete disaster for you professionally. As we've tried to warn you, a romantic relationship that takes place at work concerns not just the happy couple, but all of their coworkers and managers as well. Employers do not want their employees to be sexually harassed. Coworkers do not want to deal with the epic tragedy of love gone awry. And you do not want to damage your professional reputation or be forced to switch jobs because of a failed relationship. So if Cupid's arrow strikes at work, proceed with extreme caution!

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